Wedding Planners — Education first, Experience second, Passion always.

I was reading a forum today with a posting from an aspiring wedding planner.  It went as follows. “I’m 19 now and starting the event and wedding planning course at the local university, and I just wanted to know if how old your wedding planner is matters (if you use one) or if you’d just go by how professional they are and if they have the qualifications? I do have some experience, planned my first wedding at the age of 15, my cousin was too busy with work so she handed it over to me, I did everything for her, from picking up a tux for her groom, to making sure the cake got to the reception area and I’ve helped brides plan two other weddings since then.” Her name or where she was from was not listed.

Most of the responses were in favor of hiring older, more experienced planners. The general feeling was that wedding planners needed a certain level of maturity and life experience in order to handle all the different situations and personalities that as a planner, she would encounter.  My advice to her (and all the new planners out there trying to navigate the wedding waters) is as follows.

“Congratulations for signing up to take courses and getting educated in the field before you just start handing out business cards.  At first, when you don’t have a lot of experience, the classes, seminars and conferences you’ve attended, and professional organizations you belong to should help with credibility until you have done 20 or so weddings; 2 seasons is usually enough to tell whether or not you can make it for the long haul. I started in my late 30′s and did not have any problems.  My first assistant was mid 20′s, we did have an age confidence problem at first, moms would pull me aside and insist that if things weren’t up to their expectations, that I would step in and take over. I never had to do this.  My assistant worked under me for two seasons (approximately 30 weddings) and then she began booking weddings.  I got a new assistant and trained one for her as well.  I went to her weddings when I could to make sure she was comfortable doing them without me. She worked for me for 8 years before moving out-of-state.  Once she was married and after her first child, no one questioned her ability; the feeling was that a married person with a family was “stable” and knew how to handle responsibility.  So you won’t be 19 forever, you will grow and mature and will have to prove yourself everyday. Networking and building vendor relationships will be key. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know, just follow it up with “I will find out”.  Check and double-check everything.  Get everything in writing from the bride and vendors. Even now, after 12 years and 230 weddings, I still feel like I am only as good as the last wedding I did.  There’s no phoning it in no matter how long you’ve been doing it. It’s just too important.”

I am passionate about weddings, but not in a frou frou, everything over the top sort of way. I am all about every detail having purpose and meaning.  I insist on practicality and functionality in the design and the flow of the weddings I plan.  When I have accomplished that, then I look to infuse all the elements with the bride’s vision of how she wants her day to unfold.  My team and I bring together an inspired creativity, and an energetic enthusiasm that is as calming as it invigorating, delivering a beautiful, romantic and memorable wedding day experience.  There is not a bride on the planet that shouldn’t have this on her wedding day, and as a planner, it the very least that we can do for them.

A DJ with a Timeline is Not a Wedding Planner

Yesterday I heard that a bride who had been actively interviewing wedding planners had decided after talking to a DJ that she no longer needed  a planner.  The DJ assured her, that if she hired him, he would completely take charge and make sure her day went well.  I have a huge problem with this line of thinking both generally and specifically.

Generally, there are a least 100 items, that as a wedding planner, I take care of  between the rehearsal and the next day at the ceremony and reception.  I know, because in 2003 my husband made me make a list in order to prove that I should raise my prices.  My day starts at 9:00 am and I usually get home after 1:00 am. Most planners I know have the same schedules.  Most DJ’s show up 2-3 hours before the reception starts to set up, leave and come back in time to start the music as per their contract.  As soon as their 4-5 hours are done, they are packed up and out the door. If they are doing their job correctly, they do not leave their post to go wandering around the ballroom doing wedding planner, caterer, florist or photography tasks.   If they have an effortless night, it’s because there was a planner who worked with the bride for months leading up to the wedding weekend to make it happen.  If it looks like the planner is having an effortless night, then they are really good at what they do.

I understand that DJ’s have been out there doing receptions without planners for years, and I am sure at the end of the night there are happy brides and grooms.  However, keep in mind that they are tired, they may have been drinking and at the end, everything about the day has a pretty glow.  I actually had a bride who was furious with her DJ, who because he thought things needed to be speeded up, chopped 30 minutes out of the timeline by announcing the cake cutting.  This caused the banquet staff to start to disassemble the buffet line and the wedding party hadn’t even eaten yet.  I stopped it, but what was odd was at the end of the night when the DJ came up to her; he thanked her and she told him “You did a good job.”  I looked at her and she said to me, “I would never recommend him and you shouldn’t either, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.” 

The problem is a bride doesn’t get to do the wedding twice, once with a planner and once without and then choose.  You can see floral samples, taste cakes and food, try out linens and napkin folds, but they choose a planner based on interviews, photos of past work and referrals.  A DJ trying to sell himself and his services at the expense of cutting out another service vendor is unconscionable.

Specifically, my problem with this DJ is that he has never, ever, done this type of wedding that includes highly specialized events.  Yet he is confident he can not only do his job, but that of a wedding planner as well.

I don’t know what they’re telling DJs in Vegas at those conventions, but a DJ with a timeline is not a wedding planner.  Hone your skills to become the best you can be in your segment of the industry, but stay the hell out of mine.

Bridal Shows

The January bridal shows have come and gone.  I was very pleased with our Embassy Suites show.  We had a great  turn out of brides and broke our record again for participating vendors. I always like to hear feedback from vendors and brides about the show, we are always looking for a way to make it more fun, easier to navigate, and more beneficial for both brides and vendors.

One comment that has been eating away at me was made by a vendor who said they hated bridal shows and couldn’t stand doing them.  They would never work one, instead sending store staff to man the booth and only showing up at the end to check it out. 

As a business owner, if I am going to spend my marketing dollars on an event, then I am going to show up and give it my best effort.  If you don’t enjoy doing bridal shows then don’t do them.  I turned three vendors away who would have gladly bought the space and taken full advantage of the opportunity to get in front of 579 brides.  It’s beyond me how a vendor could feel the need to do the show, plunk down the money, but then, as the owner, didn’t feel the need to be there. Do they not enjoy meeting brides, making good first impressions, securing a sale with brides who might be there to take a second look at them? For a serious wedding professional, what could possibly be more important, on a cold and rainy Sunday afternoon, than to spend time trying to boost your business, especially in this economy?

I can’t tell vendors how to run their businesses, but I am in control of who participates in my bridal show.  Vendors who are not committed to being there and putting forth a first class effort, should not be there.  Brides don’t need to be exposed to that kind of attitude, and the rest of the vendors who are putting out the effort, need to be surrounded by others who share the same enthusiasm for the event.  My favorite comment came from a thank you note from a photographer that said, “It’s so nice to get to see other vendors I know. It’s like a party!” That’s the enthusiasm we should all have and you can bet that they will have a premium spot at the next show.  A positive attitude is contagious and I want to spread it around!

So You Want To Be A Wedding Planner? Really?

Last week I got an email from a girl who wanted a job. I won’t post her email address, but suffice it to say that it didn’t impress me and neither did her typos. 

She asked: “I was wondering if you were currently hiring. I am a student at Sullivan University hoping to go into the event/hospitality industry. Feel free to contact me at your convience. Thanks!”

I responded: “Thank you for your inquiry.  I am fully staffed for the winter. If you expect anyone to take your job search seriously, you might want to get a more professional email address for business purposes and attach a resume outlining your qualifications. Good luck at Sullivan, I hear it has an excellent hospitality program.”

Her response follows, and I can’t decide what surprised me most, her responding or her response.

“Hello, Thanks so much. I do have one but I use this one as a back up. I have given a more professional one before and have recieved a lot of spam. I give it out upon request. [referring to her email address]. I do have a resume but also give that upon request. Thanks”

I responded: “I would never let spam deter me from putting my best foot forward. Seems you need some decent spam blocking software. Also, since its costs nothing to attach your resume, I would do so with the initial contact. When you are applying for career positions that pay $50,000+ you can be coy about who gets to see your resume.

I get 30 emails and/or phone calls a month from girls asking for a job. I always say no, because they give me no reason to say yes. No background info, no experience level, just “are you hiring?” I am always looking for a potential-filled assistant to hire for my team, but never hiring for “a job.”

I need to see some passion for your choice. Telling me where you are right now (student at Sullivan) does not tell me how many classes you’ve completed, where you want to be when you’re done, how you chose this path or give me a glimpse why you have the slightest chance to be successful at it. I am sure you have formulated brilliant answers to these questions, however, have not used your 15 seconds of email time to convey them to me in an effort to pique my interest. Had you sent this during my busy season, I wouldn’t have even responded, but it’s a little slower right now and I always feel that you can’t complain about something unless you have a solution.

I do complain from time to time about not be able to find good help, and write it off to the lame inquiries I get. So this is my attempt to help maybe one smart girl out there do a better job at creating interest in her abilities in order to develop a job into a career. I wish you success in whatever you choose to do.”

My point in all this is, I don’t have time to have to pry info out of people seeking to be a part of my team. Be smart enough to make it easy for me to want you. Dazzle me right off the bat with what you have to offer. I’ll ask questions after that. Kate has been gone 13 months, she was my right hand for 8 years, but I do need someone to replace her. I’ll admit I’m spoiled and it will take someone special, but that person is out there, and they are probably hiding behind some funky email address and waiting for me to play 20 questions. I don’t have time to play games. I need a creative, self-reliant, problem solving assistant who is not afraid of hard work and long days of unglamorous tasks in order to make it all look glamorous. I hope whoever she is, she finds me soon. Wedding season will be here before we know it.

Brides with Big Ideas and Small Budgets

Last week a planner on Facebook commented that she turned a bride away because the bride’s guest list was long and her budget was small, and she felt bad taking her money and told her it should be spent on photography and food.  I am sure this endeared her to all the photographers out there.  Her friends commented that she’d done the right thing, that if she had taken the job she would have just set herself up for failure.  I totally disagree, and I told her so.  The thing is, as a planner, if we don’t see the value in the services we provide, how will the bride?  Because hey, with all the self-help websites and books giving brides free advice and assuring them that they can do it themselves, who are we to argue that they really can’t “do it all” and the more help they have, the better the day will go. 

Anyone can plan a wedding if the budget is large – its easy, hire all top notch vendors, work out a plan and then let them do their thing. If the bride over orders or doesn’t always get the best deal, it probably won’t matter too much.  The day will go fine.  But it is the bride on a small budget with big dreams that need us most.  I told the other planner, “she came to you for help, she already had it in her mind that she couldn’t do it alone, and she sought you out for advice and guidance and you turned her away. If she couldn’t do it with your help, she certainly wouldn’t be able to do it without your help.”  Would it be an easy job, probably not. 

Personally, I like those weddings because it gives me a chance to step out of my box. It makes me think and rethink ways of doing things.  You have to be creative, with each and every detail, with each and every decision.  Everything I have ever done and everything I have learned in the last 12 years has brought me to the point where I would never shy away from a bride on a small budget.  It’s a challenge and challenges are what make you feel alive and oh at the end of the day when you’ve pulled it off — it’s what I live for, that hug from my ecstatic bride, a grateful mom and a relieved dad, and vendors who may have had doubts in the beginning, but see that any wedding can be great if nurtured along by an experienced professional.  There is great value in the services that seasoned planners provide, and although we all secretly hope and wait for “the big one”  in the meantime, we shouldn’t be turning away brides with small budgets.

The Easiest and Hardest Wedding I’ve Ever Done

On July 25th my niece  Julie got married.  I had been waiting for this moment for several years and it was finally here.  The planning process had gone smoothly, Julie did her research, knew what she wanted and left it up to me to put her ideas into a workable plan.  Dress shopping was quick and easy and after a short debate the bridesmaids dresses and tuxes were chosen. We had fun doing Save the Dates and she and I designed her wedding invitation and made them by hand with the help of her bridesmaids. Of course it was a given that she would be married in Cynthiana, in the same church her mother and I had been married in and that her family had always attended.  The reception would be held at my mother’s horse farm, 5 miles outside of town. 

The week of the wedding was hectic, a little more so since as her aunt, I was helping her deal with family issues; things I usually only hear about from my other brides.  And then there was the weather.  It had rained all week, and called for showers on Saturday.  Three little showers throughout the day, nothing that I hadn’t seen or handled in the past.   We tracked them on radar and waited for two of them to pass before setting up inside the tent.  The third shower was suppose to go south of us, but it didn’t.  It was neither small nor short in duration.  For an hour the rain poured down and I watched as the wind wreaked havoc on the four tables on the backside of the tent .   It was 5:00 when it finally stopped.  Julie would go down the aisle at 6:30.  Family was suppose to be at the church at 5:00 for photos.  That meant me, my mother, my aunt and my daughter Erica, should have been in the car driving to the church.  I gave Erica my copy of the time line.  I gave my aunt another copy and explained to her how to use it.  I told them I would be there, but just in case, they should be prepared to run the ceremony.  Erica looked at the tent and looked at me, she knew I’d never get there.  There was a flash of “oh no!” but she hid it quickly and she and my aunt headed for the church.  Teresa Rickerson, the photographer was also at the church and she and I had done a half dozen weddings together last year and I knew she’d be there to help if necessary.  But my mother (grandmother of the bride) wouldn’t leave.  She wanted to stay and help me.  I told her she had to go, and leave it to me and her friends, Jan and Jimmy who agreed to stay behind and help me.  There was no way I was going to let her miss her chance to go down the aisle as the proud grandmother.  In the end, I had to force her to go.

After everyone left the three of us went to putting the tent back to rights.  The sun came out and we laughed as we refolded napkins, put out the silverware, straightened flower arrangements and gave the tent a good once over to make sure everything was in its place.  I got a couple texts from the church letting me know everything was under control.  Soon the caterer and DJ were ready to go and I had just enough time left to take a shower and get dressed before the guests arrived at 7:15. 

It was picture perfect, guests arrived, dinner was served, the cake was cut, everyone was dancing, Julie was happy and so was I.  I got to hear how Erica (16 ) had directed the ceremony.  The bridesmaids had looked at her sideways and asked Julie if she knew what she was doing, and Julie said “Yes, she been helping her mom since she was 10, do whatever she says.”  They did and it went off without a hitch (or if there was one, no one was talking).  About 10:45 the rain came again, but it never slowed the party down for Julie and her friends.  They danced until the DJ left and continued until 3:00 am. 

This was the easiest wedding I’ve ever done because it was a true labor of love.  Julie was my niece, I knew what she liked and I knew she understood and appreciated all the work that went into the wedding.  She was so sweet and full of joy that it was truly a pleasure to help her.  Having some of my favorite vendors working that day helped alot as well.  Rickerson Photography, Catering by Donna, Events with Design, DJ Tom Chestnut, and The Sugar Forest, all made a tough day easier with their professional help.  My mom also had great help getting the farm ready, Gilbert, Connie, Jimmy, Alex and Jan were all priceless that week.

It was the hardest wedding I’ve ever done because it had to be just right.  Of course, I feel that way about all my weddings, but it becomes so much more intense when it’s your family, a totally different kind of pressure.  It was hard to talk about money, family situations, and logistics.  Usually, I can have all these conversations with a calm detached air of confidence.  But because I knew these people, I found it stressful.  I have a renewed sense of empathy for my brides and moms.

It was also hard because my mother was the florist.  I broke my own rule about not letting immediate family members be vendors on the wedding day.  When the wind did not abate I told my mom she had to rework the arrangements.  Which she did, in total agreement; but I felt bad because I knew how hard she had worked on them and although still beautiful, they would not be as dramatic in shorter vases.  But I couldn’t risk them blowing over.  For the first time in my life I had to be a dictator during a wedding.  I wanted her to stay and help me with the tent as much as she wanted to stay, but I would never forgive myself if she hadn’t been able to go down the aisle and in the end she would have missed it terribly too.  In the same way my mom shouldn’t have been a vendor, I should not have been a vendor.  I missed the ceremony, I’m absent in the family photos. It will be different when Erica and Nick get married.  My mother and I will not be working that day.  We will give up control and turn the reins over to someone else….really, we will, I’m sure of it…

Dear Do It Yourself Bride

This is an open letter to all those brides who feel that during this tough economy, planning and coordinating your wedding yourself is your only option.  There are dozens of websites, magazines, and tv shows giving thousands of ideas, tips,  and suggestions.  They can be wonderful resources or an overwhelming sea of information.  Explore them all, keep track of things you like and discard those that don’t apply to your situation.

I love all of the resources out there and spend hours pouring over them myself, but what I find is that they give most brides a false sense of security about being able to do it all themselves.  Once you’ve done your research and gathered your information, then it’s time to seek out the help of a professional.  If you feel you can’t afford a full service package, then sign up for some hourly help.  A wedding planner can look at your ideas, help you refine them, and get you started off in the right direction. They can help you determine your budget and keep you from making some costly mistakes.  Then as the process progresses, check in with a few hourly meetings every month or so to make sure you’re still on track and to get help with situations that have presented themselves with family, vendors, or bridal party. 

It has long been public opinion that only brides with big budgets could afford a wedding planner.  But I have always maintained that if a bride has only a certain amount of money that she and her family can spend and not a penny more, then she is the bride who truly needs to find a planner she can work with.  A large wedding budget can absorb mistakes made along the way.  Mistakes made by a bride with a more modest budget can be devastating. 

Every bride needs to have a coordinator on the day of her wedding.  Even if a bride and her mom plan the day perfectly down to the last detail, they will need some experienced help to carry out their plan.  While they are having their hair done, getting dressed and having photos taken,  a wedding coordinator will be handling the details of the day so that bride and family can enjoy the event.  It’s a long day, and at the end of it, there is still work to be done.  Every item used to make your reception beautiful has to be packed up and hauled away.  Gifts, the cake topper, photos, floral arrangements, etc. all have to be addressed.  After the newlyweds have departed,  the clean up tasks are often left for the parents and family members. It is not a good way to end the night.   Much better to arrange for your coordinator to take care of tear down and returning all small rental items the following day.

Weddings are wonderful, sacred, happy occasions and the memories do last a lifetime.  But weddings also require research, planning, and physical labor to pull off an event worth remembering.  So before you write off a wedding planner as an extra expense, explore what a planner can do for you and consider the cost of a planner against the peace of mind and the extra set of expert hands you’ll have on your wedding day.

New Years Resolution

We all have them. What’s yours? If you’re engaged and getting married this year, I hope you’ve started the planning process and that you will resolve to not to take on more than you can handle and take time to savor every aspect as you create your wedding experience.  My resolution? To do more with less. This could be a tough year financially for brides getting married; more options than ever before, but less in the budget to implement them. My job will be to help my brides squeeze every last drop of value out of their wedding dollars to achieve the look and feel of the wedding they want to create. I’ll share these strategies, tips, and ideas with you as the year goes on and I hope you’ll share your ideas with me as well. Here’s to all the fabulous and meaningful weddings to come in 2009!

michele@weddingsbymichele.net